When It's More Than Just Clothing: Follow Up

Back in August of 2021, we highlighted DB Fam member Atlas Phoenix. Atlas has an inspirational story and a unique relationship to our clothes. Atlas transitioned at age 50 and told us that our clothes played a major role in their decision.

Stories like Atlas’ are the reason we do what we do. They motivate us to keep going. And we hope they motivate you too.

We recently had a chance to catch up with Atlas. Here’s what they've been up to since last we spoke: 

How’ve you been? 

Hey! I've been Beautiful! I mean to say that I feel good inside and out. My New Year's resolution was a simple word: Balance.  

What has changed since the last time we checked in? 

Everything! I got another grant for my feature documentary, Beautiful Boi. The grant allows me to have a promotional marketing photo shoot, as well as merchandise which includes artisan scented candles, a retrospective of my work over the last 23 years, and graphic t-shirts that center on feeling beautiful and owning one's neurodivergence. These are just a few of the items I'll be selling to raise money and produce the film I want to get people excited! I want to spread awareness. Beautiful Boi is as much about the viewer as it is about me. Anyone from any walk of life can see glimmers of themselves in it. 

I'm also the cohost of the gender diverse talk show—Genderful. Myself and my cohost, Gender Meowster, interview gender diverse people from all over the world! I was a guest on the show in June 2022... A few weeks later, Gender asked me if I would consider cohosting the show with them. I said yes, and it's been an amazing experience! I get to meet all kinds of wonderful, positive people who are making an impact on our community's mental health and representation. These people are fantastic authors, community leaders, mental health providers, and artists of all kinds. It's truly a treat to be able to do this show. I've learned so much about myself and the world I take up space in.  

Lastly, I'm a year and 8 months into my transition. The biggest lesson I continue to learn as I evolve into the person I always wanted to be, inside and out, are lessons of how to love and to receive love in return. I loved hard in the past. But now I know how to love healthily. I'm also learning to be loved too, which with my history of abuse can be the hardest thing do. I learned that love could be taken away at a moments notice. My film, Do I Qualify for Love?, touches on this. 

Was Dapper Boi’s clothing integral to your transition? If so, how?  

I can't begin to explain the sheer joy in my heart when I put on my maroon, grey, and black flannels, five days after top surgery!  It was a beautiful and gender euphoric moment all the way to the max. I felt like everything was starting to come together for me. 

It's been integral because I could never find clothes that made me feel good about myself. I just hated getting dressed. Whether it was in my 20s, when I was flexing hard as a femmy tomboy, or just a few years ago, when I had kind of given up on life. Three years ago, my medication was wreaking havoc on my body. I wanted to hide in clothes to cover up my body after gaining 100 pounds and being placed on disability for my mental health. I was dressing like I didn't matter anymore, like I wanted to be invisible. With extensive therapy, I found my way out of the hole and back to my soul center. 

I mentioned in the previous blog that I had a very brutal first month into the pandemic resulting in a suicide attempt on April 4th of 2020. On the hospital bed, I thought, "I'm 49. I need to make some changes because I can’t keep surviving anymore. I want to live; to thrive.” This was my ninth attempt since 13.

Five days after coming back from the hospital, something told me there has to be gender- neutral clothing out there. I Googled and Dapper Boi was the first hit. It looked too good to be true. But I took a chance. That was the day I began to make a dramatic change in my life. I also signed up for Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. A month after graduating from the course, I began trauma therapy. This past summer, I graduated from trauma therapy and regular talk therapy. I’m a free bird now! Get it?

When I got those first button downs a couple of months later, I burst into tears of joy. How could these clothes fit me so well? That began my obsession with DB! I now own nearly every single piece that has come out, thanks to Afterpay! 

How has your confidence changed? 

In a very simple sentence: I am unstoppable.

What’s something you want everyone to know about your journey so far? 

At the end of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, the young woman, the dragon, leaps from the top of a towering waterfall into the mist and disappears.

Whatever you’re afraid of, just leap and fear nothing because the you, you always wanted to be, is waiting for you on the other side. Be your own best friend and have faith in your ability to live life on your own terms. Spread love. Do good. Be good. Leave good. There will come a day when your body ceases to live. What kind of legacy would you like to leave behind? Ponder your calling and run blindly into it.  

What are you looking forward to now that you’ve transitioned? 

Every. Single. Thing. Coming. My. Way.

I’m still transitioning. I have another year. I have bottom surgery in October.

I’ll take the challenges that are ahead and turn them to gold. I am an alchemist. And so is everyone else. 

Is there anything else you’d like to touch on? 

Yes. They say style makes the man. I say, style makes the Human. Design your style with confidence from the ground up. You are the original you. Be proud of yourself. Allow yourself to be loved. Be present and love others intentionally.

I’d also like to add that my black Dapper Boi robe and I got married. We’re still in our honeymoon phase. We are happy and cozy. I’m having the relationship of my dreams. I know it seems impractical, but it truly is real love.

These are the themes in my feature documentary film, Beautiful Boi, in production now. You can find out more on my website at www.beautifulboi.com. 

 
Take care and be well, 
Atlas O Phoenix 
 
Atlas’ IG:  
@beautiful_boi_atlas_phoenix
@trans_late_mpls