I am pleased and proud to announce that I’ve done it. I’ve found the haircut. My haircut. Well, technically I didn’t find it, Corrine - the wonderful human who cuts my hair - did. But boy has it been a journey to get here. My voyage began a year ago. It was the dead of winter and I was ready to take the plunge in cutting my hairs for the queer reason. Not to say you gotta have a short haircut if you’re queer - there’s lot’s of queers and humans on every spectrum with lots of different kinds of hair cuts - but for me, yeah it was absolutely about my gayness. As a person born in a female body going for a short cut was part of my coming out process. At the same time, I didn’t want to fulfill anyone’s expectations of this big gay milestone for me. I had just gotten out of a box, I didn’t want to be put in another one.

But forget what other people think! After debating it for a while I finally decided to get rid of the straight confines of my shoulder length bob. The first place I went to told me my hair simply could not be cut that short and they gave me an even shorter version of the bob that I had, giving me a striking resemblance to Lord Farquaad from the “Shrek” universe. The second place hit me with the same sexism and inexperience saying “your hair won’t do that.” Two salons, a bunch of tears, and a super expensive cut from a fancy salon that my partner helped finance later and I finally had it. The wind on my neck, the breeze on my ears, and the savings of not having to buy shampoo as often.

My story did not end there. I was terrified to get my first trim since ridding myself of my longer hairs because I liked the way it looked and didn’t want anyone to mess with it. This was my identity we’re talking about here! But nonetheless it needed a trim. I spent five months getting my then pixie cut trimmed by women who would ignore my pleas to have it shaved in the back, keeping it pretty feminine and not what I was looking for.

Exhausted from fighting with women about how I wanted my hair to look I asked for help. I confided in the queers who had a look I liked and asked them where they went. Luckily in my area there are two gay friendly salons and I tried out both. It is now a year after I first heard my hair was impossible to be cut short and my gal Corrine shaves the sides and back of my head, keeps the top long, and has introduced me to a product that works perfectly with my hair type. I feel queer, I feel me, and mostly I feel freezing because I live in Chicago and a buzz cut is chilly in this wind.

I am out of the woods now and feeling like a haircut wizard. I am here now to bestow my advice and knowledge upon you. Here I give you my six tips to finding the cut that gives you the most confidence.